RETURN OF THE KING SPOOF
by Howl of a Werewolf
Summary: Here is the start, the start of season two of my spoofs, all fans of my spoof series will know what humor to exspect,This is obviously the last one featuring LORD OF THE RINGS. It'll hopfully be nice and long, because of the battles
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

Quite a few years ago, two hobbits were fishing, they were Sméagol and Deagul. Deagul was fishing, and the fish was so large Deagul was dragged into the water.

Inside the water Deagul spotted something inside the muddy ocean sand, Deagul picked it up.

When came out of the water, he looked more closely at his finding, it was revealed to be THE RING! Deagul remained staring at it. Sméagol also appeared, and saw the ring, and wanted. Deagul wouldn't give it to him. And the two began fighting each other. Deagul grabbed Sméagol and kneed him in the stomach. Sméagol slapped Deagol like a sissy. Then Sméagol throw him on the ground, and strangled him till death. Then he took the ring, put it on, and disappeared.

Sméagol began transforming into Gollum. And remained that way, for the remain of his life.

BACK TO THE THRID AGE!

Gollum has wakened Frodo and Sam, and forced them to continue their journey to Murder.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Merry and Pippin were sitting around and smoking. "I feel like a relaxed worker, after a hard day's work" Pippin said. "Only, you never did a hard day's work, Pip" Merry joked, they both laughed. They saw Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, Thereon, and Gandalf arrive on horses. Merry and Pippin greeted them and brought them to tree beard.

Tree beard told them that Sarumon is locked in his tower. "And there Sarumon must remain, under your guard, tree beard" Gandalf said.

Sarumon appeared asking for peace, but he was denied by Thereon, who said. "We shall have piece… When the women and children are brought back to life, when the homes are rebuild, when the horses are still alive… We shall have piece, if you weren't such (so bad it's beeped out)". Sarumon got angry and for some reason, took it out on Gandalf, he used his wand to throw fire at Gandalf, but Gandalf magically blocked it. "I'm more powerful than before, look at my angle form" Gandalf said."Ou, so that isn't you tempting to copy my clothes and hair colour" Sarumon said. Gandalf nodded. Suddenly Wormtung appeared behind Sarumon. "You weren't always this way Grima, you were once a free man, and cared for people… be free of him" Thereon said. "FREE! HA! HE WILL NEVER BE FREE!" Sarumon cried angrily. Sarumon held up that ball he uses to communicate to Saron. "With this, nothing else matters, I will rule all" Sarumon said. Wormtung throw Sarumon down, unfortunately Sarumon pulled worm tung down with him. They both died on that spike thing. And the ball fell down. Pippin picked up the ball to look at it, until Gandalf took it from him.

When everyone returned to Rohan, everyone began having victory party.

THAT NIGHT!

Pippin sneaked the ball from Gandalf while everyone except him and Merry were sleeping. Ignoring Merry who was saying put it back, Pippin began looking into it. Suddenly the eye of Suron appeared. "Where's Sarumon?" Suron asked. SHORT PARZE. "WHY YOU LITTLE!" Suron cried, and began hurting Pippin extremely badly. Then stopped. "Were is my ring, who has my ring?" Suron asked. Pippin didn't answer. Suron showed a white tree burning. Pippin didn't understand. Suron began showing lyrics to the Barney theme song, Pippin began doing what he did in the movie, that somewhat freaky part. Until everyone ran over, Gandalf covered the ball. And Pippin told him what he saw.

Gandalf took him and Pippin, and the two of them ridden to Gondar.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

**AS ALWAYS, DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW, WHAT YOU THINK SO FAR!**

Sam and Frodo were sleeping. Sam over heard Gollum's plan to kill them. "YOU MISABLE LITTLE F***!" Sam cried punching Gollum square in the face. But Frodo stopped Sam from crazing Sméagol more pain. Frodo made Sam promise to not hurt Gollum any more.

Gandalf and Pippin arrived in Gondar, were they met Stewart. Gandalf warned Pippin not say anything, about Boramir's death or Frodo's journey. But it seems Stewart already realized Boramir has died. "Boramir he was F***in shot by a Uruk Hai, and know Frodo must destroy the ring in Murder, and meanwhile I'm looking at your ugly face" Pippin said until Gandalf wacked him with his wand, keying him to shut up. "Stewart, there will be a time to grieve for Boramir, but is not now, WAR is upon us, as Stewart were are Gondar's armies… You not alone, Rohan is by your side" Gandalf told him. "You think I'm deaf, I now about Aragorn, and tell you now, I shall not bow to this ranger from the north" Stewart cried. "Authority isn't given to you to deny the return of the King, STEWARD!" Gandalf said angrily. "ROLE OF GANDAR IS MINE! AND NONE OTHERS!" Stewart cried. Gandalf and Pippin left.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Pippin was going looking at swords. Hoping they weren't really expect him to do any fighting . "You're in the service of the steward now, you going to have to learn to do as you're told" Gandalf replied. Pippin and Gandalf looked out the window. "It's so quite" Pippin said. "It's the last breath, before the great war" Gandalf told him. "I don't want to be in a battle, but staring into quietness that I cannot escape is even worse. Gandalf didn't answer. "Gandalf?" Pippin asked. "I'm sorry, I was thinking about beer, you were saying?" Gandalf asked. "Is there any hope Gandalf, for Frodo and Sam?" Pippin asked. "There was much hope, just a fools hope" Gandalf admitted. "Then why did you choose them on for the journey, I thought Frodo was your close friend" Pippin asked. "He choose to go himself, I fallen off the edge, defeated Borlog, and died and was reformed into a human formed angle of protection towards Middle earth, how the hell was I suppose to know Frodo would get a sudden idea to act as the hero, along with the company of his fat friend" Gandalf said. Pippin nodded in agreement.

MEANWHILE!

Sméagol lead Frodo and Sam to rocky place near Murder. "Here we are" Gollum said, pointing to a extremely unsafe way to climb up rocks. Suddenly that giant powerful magic went up symboling the war was beginning.

"It has started the great battle of our time" Gandalf told Pippin.

Suddenly all the Orcs started marching out. Lead by the Witch King, and a large scary looking flying, thing. Frodo and Sam continued climbing.

Gandalf wanted Pippin to light one of the towers.

MEANWHILE!

The Orcs were using prattle boats, and arrived in Osgiliath. Were Foramirs men attacked them. The sound background was surrender by the sounds of angry little kids. One of the Gondar warriors grabbed a Orc and repeadly kept kneeing him in the stomach. Another Tackled down a Orc, and kept angrily punching him in the face. The captain stabbed an Orc in the back and the other end was showing though the stomach. Foramir though a Orc into a breakable object, he ran up to another guy and stabbed him though the stomach. A guy smashed a empty beer bottle onto a Orc.

Pippin had succeeded in lighting the tower. Eventually all the other towers started getting light.

Aragorn saw one, and ran over to Théoden saying the towers are lightened. Keeping his promise to Gandalf, Théoden got his people prepared for war.

BACK AT THE BATTLE!

A Gondar warrior smashed a computer onto a Orc. Another was beating a Orc to death with s Banana. But the Orcs were being to overrun them. And were starting to win. The Gondar soldiers started dying. One was being chased by a random giant apple. "There are too many, the city is lost" The captain informed Foramir. "Then we retreat to Mulish Truth, full haste" Foramir replied. A Gondar warrior was being hit in the head with the rock weapon one of the Orcs had. "FALL BACK!" Foramir kept crying. Quickly everyone escaped on the horses. Except for the captain who was knocked down.

The Orc leader Gothmog (Booger, as my brother and I use to call him), finished off the Captain, by stabbing a spear though his gut. "The age of men is over, the time of the Orc, has come" Gothmog said.

While retreating to Minaths Truth, Foramirs men were getting ambushed by the scary flying things. Until Gandalf scared them away, with light coming from his wand.

Once everyone was safe. Foramir warned Gandalf about the path Frodo and Sam are taking. Pippin didn't understand. Gandalf said he'll explain later. "Foramir, tell me everything" Gandalf said.

**THE BATTLE WAS SHORTER THEN EXSPECTED, BUT OU WELL, HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT! **

**PLEASE REVIEW! IT'LL MEAN A LOT, BUT PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING MEAN**


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Frodo and Sam continued climbing up the rocks. "Careful master, very long to fall" Sméagol warned. Frodo nearly fell. Gollum tempted for the ring. But when Sam warned him to keep away. Gollum instead assisted Frodo. And pretended as if it was all he was doing all along. Then he whispered to Frodo that Sam would try and steal the ring. Because Gollum needs Frodo ALONE in order to succeed in his evil plan.

LATER!

Gollum sneaked over to Sea egg. "Do you have my five bucks?" Sea egg asked. "Better, I be bring a hobbit in here, so you eat, as long as you allow me to take my ring from the body" Gollum said. "Sounds good" Sea egg said. Gollum crawled back to the hobbits.

BACK AT GONDAR!

Mothmog up with the witch king. "Send forth all legions, do not stop the attack till the city is taken, SLAY THEM ALL!" The Witch king told him. "What of the wizard?" Mothmog asked. "I will slay him" the Witch king said.

Feeling unloved, and non important by his farther Stewart, Foramir took his men on a suicide horse ride. Tempting to take back Osgiliath. All the Orcs see them riding. A brief first seeing of Guritz (the one always shown with a skull on his helmet) is scene. Along with Gar-oz, basically an OC name, for a short Orc with a Mohawk, Gar-oz IS shown in the movie, he is shown as one of the Orcs shooting arrows at the Rohan riders. And is shown, being killed by Merry, ou, and I think he's shown beside Gothmog, while Gothmog finishes off the captain, and says his well known quote. Before the Oliphonts arrive. He will suffer the same fate, in my story.

Stewart was with Pippin, while Stewart ate. "Do you sing master hobbit?" Stewart asked. "Not really" Pippin said. "Good enough, come sing a song" Stewart said. Pippin began singing, but not overly well.

**Home is behind, the world ahead**

_Shows Foramirs men riding._

**There are men PATHS to trade, until the stars are ALL A LIGHT!**

_Foramir takes out his sword._

_The Orcs pull back there long bows_

**(Pippin screaming) MIST AND SHADOW! CLOUD AND SHADE! UNTILL THE STARS ALL A LIGHT!**

**ALL SHALL FADE!**

**ALL SHALL…**

_Orcs fire the arrows_

**Fade**


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 5

MEANWHILE AT ROHAN!

Aragorn has been called to meet somebody in a tent. It was Arwen's farther. He gave Aragorn the huge sword. And announced for him to be who he was born to be. Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli set out to the haunted mountains.

Edwin was gearing up Merry. "There, truest warrior of Rohan" She said. Merry went out of the tent and practise with his sword. It fell out of his grip and into distance. "MY LEG!" Some cried someone in the background. Merry nervously kept walking. "You should not encourage him" Faramir said. "And you should not doubt him" Edwin said. Faramir joked about his size. But Edwin kept insisting to let him fight alongside them.

Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas arrived at the Haunted Mountain. "I do not fear death" Aragorn said as he heroically stepped in. A moment later Legolas and Gimli heard Aragorn scream. And he ran crying "YES I DO!"

Théoden and a couple soldiers were using three rocks to say there battle plan. He point to a rock in the middle. These are the Orcs. He grabbed the second one. And dragged it to the first rock. "We will run though them" Théoden said. "What about that?" One of the others asked pointing to the third rock. "That's a rock" Théoden said, throwing it away.

Aragorn was cuddled up in a ball, shucking his thumb. "Come on Aragorn, middle earth depends on us" Legolas said. Aragorn wouldn't move. "Arwen needs ya" Gimli said. Aragorn still wouldn't budge. "I'll give you fifthly bucks" Legolas said. Aragorn finally budged and all three of them went inside.

Théoden and all the Rohan soldiers started riding. Edwin secretly took Merry. When Théoden told him to stay.

BACK TO GONDAR!

They brought in wounded Foramir inside. Stewart thought he was dead.

All the Orcs had arrived at the Milaths Truth. Mosgoth was up in front. Guritz had a skull mace (real weapon), to with his skull on his helmet. Mosgoth shall this. "Dammit Gruitz, WHY ARE SO OBSESSED WITH SKULLS!" Gosmoth cried. "Because Peter Jackson and the rest of the original movie producers nicknamed me Skully… Besides at least the Arthur of this story we are in, hasn't nicknamed me Booger" Gruitz said. Gar-oz laughed. Gosmoth grabbed him violently. "WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT GAR-OZ! I'LL KICK YOU SO HARD IN THE BALLS! YOUR BE PEEING BLOOD FOR A WEEK!" Gosmoth cried.

"They were outnumbered, none survived" A warrior told Stewart.

"FEAR! The city whipped with it, ha… Let us ease their pain, RELEASE THE PRISIONEERS!" Gosmoth cried. "CATAPUT!" Gruitz cried. And they started flinging heads at the Gondar warriors.

Stewart shall the Orcs. And he lost it. Telling everyone to abound the outposts. But Gandalf knocked him out. "PREPARE FOR BATTLE! He cried. And he ridden around telling everyone to return there outposts.

The two teams started firing catapult at each other. One nearly killed Gosmoth, but Gosmoth moved.

The Nazguls, arrived with those scary flying things. And used them to start killing.

The battle was quickly becoming a hell hole.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 6

**WITH ALL THE ACTION, I FORGOT ABOUT AN IMPORTANT SCENE WITH SAM AND FRODO, HERE IT IS!**

While Sam and Frodo were sleeping Gollum took all their food, and through it down the cliff, along putting crumbs on Sam. Sam noticed him. "What you doing, sneaking of are we?" Sam said. Gollum laughed. "Fat Hobbit is always so polite" Gollum said. "Can't tell you how I LOVE having you call fat" Sam said sarcastically. Gollum ignored him. "Sméagol shows a secret path, and he say SNEAK!" Gollum cried. "ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! You just startled me is all" Sam said. Sam woke Frodo, then check his bag and said all the bread was gone. "What, that's all we have left" frodo said. Sam turned to Gollum. "He took it, HE MUST OF" Sam cried. "Sméagol, no not poor Sméagol, Sméagol hates nasty elf bread" Gollum lied. Sam wasn't buying it. "YOU'RE A LYING RAT! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT!" Sam screamed. "He dosen't eat it, he can't of taken it" Frodo insisted. Sméagol pretended to see the crumbs on his clothes. And insisted Sam ate it. "We've seen him, he's always stuffing his face, when master isn't looking" Gollum lyed. "THAT'S A GOD DAMN LIE!" Sam cried and punched Gollum strait across the face. Then he crawled down to him. "YOU STINKIN DOUSE FACE!" Sam cried while violently beating Gollum. Until Frodo dragged him away. "SAM NO!" Frodo cried. Sam calmed down. Frodo I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go so far" Sam said, suddenly he ran to Gollum and started beating him again. Frodo started dragging him away. And repeated his line, "SAM NO!". "I'M SO ANGRY!" Sam cried, and ran to beat up Gollum again. Frodo started dragging Sam away again. While Sam cried. "I'LL KILL HIM!" And suddenly pushed Frodo away, and started beating Gollum again. Frodo dragged him away again. "SAM NO!" He cried. "I CAN'T HELP IT!" Sam cried. "It's that Gollum, it's this place, THAT THING AROUND YOUR NECK!" he continued. Frodo looked shooked. Sam insisted on carrying it for a while. "I don't want to keep it, I just want to help" Sam insisted. Gollum took the opportunity to his advantage. "See, he wants it for himself" He told Frodo. "SHUT THE F*** UP!" Sam cried, and tried running at Gollum to beat him up again. But Frodo stopped him. Frodo told Sam to go home, and not help him anymore. Poor Sam broke down crying. Frodo and Gollum continued up. Gollum smiled that his plan worked.

**THERE HOPE THAT WAS FUNNY! IT'S INSPIRED BY A LINK TO IT, HOPE IT SHOWS UP RIGHT, IF SO, TELL WHAT YOU THINK, **

.com/watch?v=ZvRggSTtUME

**ANYWAY, BACK TO THE STORY!**

The trolls started rolling Siege towers to the castle. Most were getting destroyed, But a few made it up. And the Orcs started attacking the top of the castle. A Gondar warrior stabbed his sword though an Orc. Another smashed a beer bottle onto an Orc. Gandalf noticed Pippin. A few Orcs ran a Pippin. Gandalf killed on. "This is no place for a hobbit" Gandalf told Merry then began owning the Orcs. One almost got Gandalf. Pippin stabbed and killed it. Gandalf told Pippin to return to safety.

The Orcs were trying to destroy the main gate, but were succeeding. "What are you doing you useless scums" Gosmoth said. "The door won't budge, we tried everything" Said Garoth, one of the second in the commands. "Get back and smash it down, otherwise, I'll be using your head to do so" Gosmoth threatened. "But nothing can breach it. Gosmoth smiled evilly. Grong can breach it, bring in the wolves" Gosmoth. All the Orcs started chanting "GRONT!" As they started bringing in a huge wolves head.

Sméagol brought Frodo inside a spooky tunnel. Before long Frodo noticed Gollum wasn't there. But things were only to get worse. As he saw skeletons, followed by a monstrous roar from the distance.

**HOPFULLY ENDING THE CHAPTER HERE, WILL BE MORE SPENCEFUL! **

**SO LONG MY FRIENDS. PLEASE REVIEW**


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 7

Sam was walking back down. Suddenly he slipped and fell painfully one his face. Suddenly he saw the Elvis bread. Knowing he was right about Gollum, Sam got angry and start heading back up.

Frodo was beginning to panic as he was running. Suddenly he got cart in webs. Gollum appeared and decided to admit to his plan, saying it was either that, or give up his five bucks. "What the hell dose a giant spider need money for?" Frodo asked. "It's not money, it's flies, Sealob just has strange enjoyment of saying it's money, AND WERE ARE WE TO GET GIANT FLIES, A!" Gollum replied. Frodo got angry and started using Sting (The sword) to cut though the webs.

After escaping the webs Gollum attacked Frodo. Frodo started strangling him, until Gollum convinced him that the ring made him do it. Frodo told Gollum he had to destroy the ring. Gollum lost it and leaped at Frodo, but ended up falling of an edge. After a while Frodo convinced himself to keep going.

MEANWHILE

The Orcs were using Grong to start knocking down the main gate. Gandalf brought over a bunch of men toward that side. But when the gate was open, the Orcs were a step ahead, and used Trolls to do the breaching. "F***!" Gandalf cried angrily. And the trolls started ripping though many of the men. But the then the Gondar warriors started shooting them down with hundreds of arrows. Then a large amount of Orcs started running. And a heavy combat began. One guy was beating with Banana and once again the Orc dyed from that. Then the guy ate the banana, because the edible part was still fresh and clean. One and killed him. And a guy stabbed his sword though a guy. "We are getting outnumbered ser" A guy told Gandalf. "They may take our lives, they may take our homes, they may take our head, but they will never take OUR FREEDOM!" Gandalf cried. "What are you talking about?" The guy asked. "I don't know it's from brave heart" Gandalf replied.

Frodo continued walking. Suddenly Sealob appeared and stung him with her stinger. Then started making him into a cocoon. Until Sam came. "Let him go you bitch" Sam told it. Sealob unleashed Frodo then started attacking Sam. And it was a pretty intense fight. It ended when Sam stabbed Sting in Sealob's belly. Sealob crawled into a cave and disappeared. Suddenly Orcs arrived and Sam had to hide. Gorbag and Shagrat arrived. "Looks like old Sealob has been having a bit of fun" Gorbag said. "Killed anouther one has she?" Shagrat asked. Gorbag poked him and said Frodo wasn't dead. Sam was completely relived, as anyone would be at his stat. "She stabs him with her stinger and he becomes as limb as an old fish, that's how she eats, FLESH blood" Gorbag told. Then the two brought Frodo into Murder.

**SORRY IT WASN'T OVERLY ONE THE SEALOB PART FUNNY! I HAD TROUBLE MAKING** **PART FUNNY. ANYWATY, I UNDERSTAND, IT DON'T HAPPEN HERE, BUT I NEED TO PUT ARAGORN AND THE DEAD, AGAIN CAN'T PROMISE IT'LL BE OVERLY FUNNY, BUT I'LL TRY MY BEST. INFACT I'LL SKIP TO THE BOAT SCENE, (ONLY SCENE ON THE EXTENDED EDITION)**

Aragorn kept telling the men to step aside. They kept laughing. "You and what army?' The army mocked. "Suddenly the dead soldiers arrived. All the men began screaming like little girls.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 8

**WELL PEOPLE, I'VE MANAGED TO JOIN FICTION PRESS. I'VE JOINED FICTIONPRESS. **

**BUT DON'T WORRY I'M STILL GOING TO TYPE STORIES ON FANFICTION, SO I DON'T WANT YOU GUYS GETTING CONFUSED BY THAT, LIKE MY FRIEND 'LEONTHELONEWOLF' WAS.**

The Orcs were beginning to break into the city. "Move into the city, KILL all your path" Mosgoth ordered. All the Orcs started storming into the town. One red skinned Orc, who I'll call, Lorgs, Started biting onto a guy. The citizens started screaming and panicking. One Orc broke a wooden chair on a Gondar warrior. Guritz smashed skull mace on a guys face. The skull part was covered in blood. Guritz was angry. "What are you whining about?" cried Garoth. "The blood has must with the skull" Guritz said in a baby like voice. Garoth rolled his eyes in annoyance.

Lorgs stabbed his sword though a guy. He lead 8 guys after few men. Suddenly the Gondar guys had a canon. "Hello, and good buy" one said (Line from Spongebob, encase you didn't know). Lorgs and his guys tried to run, but were blown to millions of pieces.

Gandalf sliced a Orc from onto of his horse. "FIGHT! FIGHT TO THE LAST MAN! FIGHT FOR YOUR LIVES!" Gandalf cried.

One guy had a knife, he kicked a Orc in the stomach and stabbed the knife in its back.

An Orc smashed a pen into a guys stomach.

Gandalf saw Pippin run in. Pippin told Gandalf that Stewart was going to burn Foramir alive, Gandalf and Pippin rode off.

And guy was beating a Orc to death with a rubber duck.

Gar-oz, jumped onto a guy and started beating him to death.

An Orc was kicking the crap out of a guy.

A guy smashed an Orcs head onto a sharp rock, and killed him.

Gandalf and Pippin ran into the Witch King, and his Nazgull (Yes I discovered the name of the flying things). The witch King broke Gandalf's wand. And the force of the blow knocked and Pippin of the horse. The witch King jumped off the Nazgull and walked towards Gandalf. "You have failed the world of men will fall" the Witch King told Gandalf. "I'll now kill you with the force" he continued. The Witch King tried using the force from Star wars. But it kept not working. Finally he punched Gandalf in the face. "HAHA! IT WORKED, SEE IT WORKED!" The Witch King said happily. "No it didn't you hit him, nothing more" Pippin said. The Witch King, looked at him, it would of been a glare, if his face wasn't completely black. Suddenly the horns of Rohan were heard. The witch King got on the Nazgull and flew off.

All the Orcs retreated to the fields to see what the threat was.

Théoden and his men saw thousands of Orcs bellow them. After Théoden finished his speech the all began running down. Gar-oz and all the bowmen got there arrows ready. "Just give the word Booger" Gar-oz teased Gosmoth. Gosmoth ignored him and told them to begin firing at will. But the Rohan warriors began ripping though them. Like nothing.

Gandalf and Pippin managed to save Foramir from Stewart. Joining the rescue Stewart ended being burned to death.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

**SORRY I'VE BEEN SO LONG, I'VE BEEN EXTERMILY BUSY, I'M STARTING EXAMS AT SCHOOL, TRYING TO CREATE HORROR OF WAR ON FICTIONPRESS, AND FALLOUTOMEGAALPHA WANTS ME TO HELP BE CO WRITER TO HIS STORY, BUT CONSIDERING IT'S SATURDAY, I GUESS I'LL GIVE YOU GUYS ANOUTHER CHAPTER! I SEEM TO BE LOSING SOME OF MY HUMOR, AT MANY PARTS, BUT HERE GOES NOTHING :)**

Théoden and his men continued ripping though the Orcs. Merry managed to kill a great many of Orcs, including Gar-oz.

"MAKE SAFE THE CITY!" Théoden cried. Suddenly they saw elephants coming. "OK THAT IS F***ED UP! IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN" Théoden cried. "What are saying, Elephants were used in these times" Faramir said. "Ya, but those aren't normal Elephants there DINOSOURS!" Théoden said. Faramir didn't answer. Théoden soon ordered everyone to charge at the beasts, but the idea was awful, the Elephants started ripping though the Rohan riders like nothing. Eastering started killing men with arrows from up top the creatures. "YOU F***IN RATS, THAT'S SO CHEEP!" Théoden complained, but nobody heard him.

Faramir though a spear at the a driver of the Elephants the weight of the dead body on a rope attached to the creatures large ear, it steered the Elephant into another Elephant and both ended up dying. Joining the crash an Eastering free fired an arrow witch, head another elephant driver, and the seen happened all over again.

Edwin brought down a Elephant by cutting it's legs, but the creature fell on them, and Edwin couldn't find Pippin.

She saw Théoden and started stabbing the Orcs around him. Stabbed one the back. And cut the stomach of one. "IS THAT ALL YOU GOT!" It cried before it fell down dead. One tired to stab her when she had back turned, but was crushed by a random huge weight Brock (Like in cartoons). Then she killed Garthmog.

Théoden saw the Witch king approaching him with his Nazgull, but the Nazgull simply flew OVER him. "That doesn't seem proper to the script" Said a Rohan rider. "Ya, it's SUPPOSE to kill you" Faramir said. "I don't know what your" Théoden started but before he finished the Nazgull grabbed him in its jaws and flew across the fields leaving a dying Théoden on the battle field. "Feast on his flesh" The witch king said. The Nazgull didn't do anything. "DID YOU HEAR ME YOU STUPID CREATURE!" The Nazgull growled angrily and attacked the witch king. The witch smashed its face with that giant chain thing. And killed it. The witch turned to Théoden, and tried finishing the job himself. But Edwin came behind him, and killed him by stabbing him in the back. The Edwin cried because Théoden was dead.

MEANWHILE

Gruitz, Garoth, lead the surviving Orcs to meet the approaching boats. "Late, as usual, there's night's here in need of doing" Gruitz said. "YA!" Garoth cried, acting like a nerd trying to look though. "Come on you bitches, get off your ships" Gruitz teased what he thought were men on their side. Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli jumped out. And the army of the dead appeared, running though the city, and ending the battle, finally.

**END OF CHAPTER!**

**PLEASE LEAVE REVIEWS**


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

INSIDE MRIGUS MORDUTH (Or whatever the hell that tower is called, I'll change it, after realizing the name)

Frodo woken up tied up. Gorbag and Shagrat were looking though his stuff. Gorbag found the nease frill Bilbo gave Frodo. "HANDS OFF! THAT'S MINE!" Shagrat cried. "I going to the great eye, along with everything else" Gorbag said. It was hear Frodo started panicking because he wasn't wearing the ring. "I DON'T TAKE ORDERS FROM STUPID GOD DAMN RATS!" Shagrat said angrily. And slapped Gorbag across the cheek. The two began having one those humorish scratch fights. Until Gorbag punched Shagrat square in the face. And laughed until Shagrat tackled him and sent them both down a fall.

Shagrat got the entire army involved by convincing them to gang up on Gorbag. Gorbag managed to kick a guy out window and down a long fall.

For some reason it suddenly turned into a free for all. And all the Orcs started jumping onto each other and biting or stabbing each other.

Sam had managed to arrive inside.

Shagrat and few men had managed to leave the battle ground. They saw Sam arrive. And Shagrat sent the men after him. Sam managed to kill them. Shagrat managed to grab his throat and pull him off the ground. Sam cut off him arm. "YOU'RE A BULLY!" Shagrat cried tearfully, as he ran off crying. Sam stood there in confusion for a moment, and then kept going.

LATER!

Frodo was trying to escape. Unaware to him Gorbag had came back to "visit" him. "STOP YOUR SCREALING YOU STUPID BITCH!" He cried. Gorbag grabbed him and pulled out a knife. "I'LL RIP OUT YOUR INSIDE! AND DRY OUT YOUR BODY! PUT THE BODY IN A RED SUIT WITH SOME ELVES AROUND IT! AND TELL YOU ALL THE COOL SHIT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS!" Gorbag cried, using a line from the original Army of Two game. Suddenly there was aloud band, and blood appeared through Gorbags chest, and he fell down dead. Sam appeared with pistol with smoke around it, showing it had just been fired. Then Sam though the pistol away and untied Frodo. When Frodo said he lost the ring. Sam pulled it out, and after a brief moment appearing to resist to the evil, Sam managed to give it to Frodo.

**SORRY IT'S SHORT, THE NEXT CHAPTER, BEGINS WHEN ARAGORN AND EVERYONE REACHES THE BLACK GATE!**


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

Aragorn and everyone arrived at the black gate. Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, Gandalf, Pippin, and Merry went to the black gate. "Were they were greeted by the mouth of Sauron. "What the hell is that?" Gimli asked. "Ya it looks like some sort of retarded creep, covered in alien boogers" Aragorn teased. "SHUT UP!" Cried the mouth of Suron angrily. "I am the mouth of Suron" He said angrily beneath his large teeth. "So when the dark lord died, his mouth was created on f***ed up peace shit, that rides on a horse" Gandalf teased. "He was just glad his mouth could be used" Said the mouth of Sauron. "Anyway, I know why you're here" he continued. He looked at Pippin and Merry. "For all you know Frodo could be dead" The mouth of Sauron told everyone. "Oh no" Said Pippin. As did everyone else. "Oh ya" cried the kool aid guy, as he randomly broke though the wall. Everyone stared at him with confusion. Embarrassed, the kool aid guy nervously disappeared back into the wall. Aragorn walked up to him and angrily cut of his head. "OU SHIT, MY HEAD!" Were his last words. The door being slightly opened Aragorn saw Sauron staring at him. "YA! THAT'S RIGHT I CUT OFF YOUR F***IN HEAD! AND IT FELT GOOD!" Aragorn cried. Sauron said something in the language of Murder. "YOU SUCK!" Aragorn mocked and pointed and laughed at him. "YOU STUPID *BEEP*!" Sauron cried angrily. "YA! WELL WHAT YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT!" Aragorn teased. The rest of the door opened. Revealing millions of marching orcs there. "OH F***!" Aragorn screamed angrily. Then ran their horses back to the rest of the group.

Frodo and Sam were using their remaining food and water. Frodo was becoming weaker and weaker.

"OVER THERE IS OUR ENAMY! AND THEY WOULD LIKE NOTHING MORE THEN TO SLICE OFF YOUR WINIS! AND WEAR IT AS BRACLET!" Aragorn cried, using a line from the famish Madtv character COACH HINES! If you don't know him, I recommended seeing one of his videos, there found on YouTube, because he stopped showing after a particular season. Aragorn got up on his horse. He began making a speech. "I see in you eyes, the same fear that will take the heart of me, and maybe we should be scared, maybe they will rip out our eyes, maybe they rap our bodies, maybe they will cut us into bite size pieces, eat the pieces, and F*** things on the chewed pieces, maybe they will treat us like Shit, and maybe they will" Faramir interrupts. "OK! WE GET IT!" He cried angrily. "but it is not tonight, TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!" Aragorn cried lifting his sword, everyone pulled theirs out also.

"I never thought I'd die, side by side with an elf" Gimli complained. "What about side by side with a friend?" Legolas asked. Gimli smiled "ya, I could do that" he said.

"This is for Frodo" Aragorn said. Aragorn ran to the orcs crying, "FRODDDDDDDOOO! BAGGGGGGINS!" Obviously making a Leroy Jenkins parody. Everyone else also began running the enemy, and the battle began.

Frodo was so weak, Sam had to start carrying him. Unfortunately halfway to Mount Doom they were ambushed by Gollum.

Frodo managed to reach Mount Doom. Sam saw him. "DESTORY IT!" Sam cried. But unfortunately Frodo was completely taken by the evil power, and put it on a disappeared. "YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME!" Sam cried. Suddenly Gollum came from behind and knocked him out with a rock at the back of the head. Gollum bite of Frodo finger and grabbed the ring. But while dancing around with joy he fell off the edge, destroying both him and the ring.

Sauron was destroy and blown into an explosion destroying Murder.

**ONLY ONE CHAPTER LEFT PEOPLE!**

**PLEASE REVIEW THIS CHAPTER, AND STAY TUNED FOR THE LAST ONE**


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Frodo woke in a bed, and was all stitched up. He saw Gandalf and the happy moment everyone laughing with joy happened. AFTER THE MOMENT! "How did I get here?" Frodo asked. "I flew eagles over to you and Sam and flew you here" Gandalf said. "ARE YOU SHITTING ME!" Frodo screamed with sudden anger. "What?" Gandalf asked nervously. "WE HAD GIANT EAGLES THIS WHOLE F***IN TIME! WHAT THE F***!" Frodo screamed. "WE COULD OF FLEW TO MURDER THE WHOLE TIME, IT WOULD OFF TAKEN FIVE F***IN MINITES AT THE MOST!" He continued. "At least there's a happy ending" Gandalf said. "HAPPY! I LOST MY F***IN FINGER!" Frodo screamed. Frodo tried threw at Gandalf in anger, but Gandalf ducked from it. A bunch of nurses had to come and take a screaming Frodo away, because he considered to having a 'mental breakdown'.

PROUBLEY A FEW DAYS LATER!

Gandalf had named Aragorn king of Gondar, and Aragorn began singing, this part is a taken from my favorite YouTube video LORD OF THE RINGS NEW ACCENT, the same was from Pippin not being a good singer

_**Tinuviel elvanui, Elleth atirin edhelhael**_

_**AFGGGGHHJ! FHFFHH! EDHELHAEL! GYYHJ! YA**_

_**Ya! YA! YA! YA! **_

_**EDHELHAEL!**_

_**(Screaming) YYYYYYAAAAA! AAAAAAHHHHHH! GGGGGGAAAAAA!**_

Everyone cheered as if it was a beautiful and not complete carp like it was. Aragorn saw Arwin and was so happy he began kissing her.

LATER!

The hobbits traveled a long way home. Nothing has seemed to change, except Sam finally ended marring that girl he loved.

Frodo and Gandalf had to leave, for the safety of middle earth.

Sam went home, where he was greeted by a cute little girl he and his wife had. Sam realized he couldn't be happier.

AROUND DINNER TIME!

"Emily can you get the chicken out of the frizzier for, daddy" Sam asked his daughter, apparently named Emily. "Ok" Emily said and walked into the kitchen.

Sam and his wife heard Emily scream from the kitchen they ran over and she was crying. "What's wrong sweetie?" Sam asked. "We are out of chicken" Emily said in tears. Sam made the very same high pitched scream he heard his daughter make. The entire family began panicking as if it was the worst thing to have happen to them.

**HAPPY HAPPY FAMILY!**

**THE END!**


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